The Darkness Of Forever
by Hilly In The Skies
Summary: Gabriel cannot be in light, only darkness. It has been this way ever since Death helped him fake his own death. He remembers everything from his life as an archangel, and the guilt is eating him alive. He wishes that he could just die. Or be in the light again. Will someone come and some him from the darkness of forever? Or is it too late to save him?


My room is black. The walls, I mean. The windows are all boarded up and there is no light to be seen anywhere, why? To keep me alive, that's why. No, no, just hold your horses. I am not a vampire, but I'm not normal either. I am Archangel Gabriel, so I definitely not your run-of-the-mill type of guy that you could meet at a supermarket.

Well, you may be wondering, why do I not like the light? It's simple, ever since I was "killed" by Lucifer, the light hurts. Why? Hell if I know, but it just does. No, not physically. Emotionally, psychologically. It reminds me of my past, and all the mistakes I have ever made and all the mistakes I will not doubt make again. It keeps me wondering, if Angels are without flaw, without sin, why am I such a complete fuck-up? It's simple, I am just a fucking mistake.

Everything I touch gets hurt in the aftermath, I can't look at someone without feeling like their day is going to be so fucked up because I just looked at them. That's why I haven't left my house for the past five years. Almost six, now.

You may be wondering, wait where is the cheery and adorable Gabriel? He died at my fake death. How? It's simple, when I gave up being an Archangel and became Loki I had given up most of memories as an Archangel. I kept some, that way I would know who I was. And that was fine for a while, so I forgot almost all of the bullshit that had ever happened to me. But I wanted more, I wanted to be the real me again.

And what a mistake that was.

I researched it for months in secret, how to get my memories back. I tried a few times before it actually worked. I had finally found out how to do it. _I had to die. _And being the Trickster I was, I immediately started looking for any sort-of loop hole.

So I talked to Death, who was always down for hearing a good sob story.

By this time, Lucifer was already up and around from The Cage. Death said that if I could think of any possible way to put him back in there, I could be allowed to fake a death put come back afterwards. And then I thought harder, researched even more. Then I found out about the rings, which were keys to The Cage. I told Death, and he said he knew about it the whole time and he wanted to see if I could figure it was the one who helped me plan the whole "fake death" thing, because one that elaborate could not be pulled of by one archangel who desperately wants his memories back.

By that time, I had about a week more to "live", so I lived. I drank, I partied, (I tried Coke for the first time) and I had sex with a lot of guys. It was a good time, though a bit repetitive.

I think you know what happened next, The whole Pagans vs. Angels thing. Then me getting stabbed by Lucifer.

Yes, I did die. But Death, that nice guy, has the powers to raise things from the dead. He kept true to his word, and brought me back.

And then the sunlight started to hurt my brain, Death said it was only a side-effect from the memory regain and being brought back from the dead. So I thought that it wouldn't last long, but then being in any light at all started to make me want to kill myself for real this time. That is how bad light hurts.

Luckily for me, Angels can see in the dark, so it isn't as bad as being a human in the dark. I can still read books, eat, sleep and many other things. But it get lonely, being all alone.

But what is even worse is the memories. I can't escape them, all day everyday. I cannot escape the past anymore.

I used to be in love with another angel, ya know. Yeah, I was surprised to. I didn't know angels could have feelings, but there is a type of very rare type of angels that can feel emotions and have their own, original thoughts. I am one of those.

We don't really have a name, so I just refer to us as "The Feelers". He was a feeler to, the angel I still am in love with. Which is crazy, because I haven't seen him in centuries and he probably thinks I'm dead anyway. So I try not to think about him, but it's all I can think about.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my feelings and memories and be a regular, non-feely angel.

* * *

_A/n: So, I know it's short. This only a plot idea I had, I don't even know if others will like it. __I have a few more chapter written, and if anyone seems interested I will gladly continue to write. _

_Please tell me what you think! -Hilly_


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